Messy humans and the benefit of the doubt

One of the characteristics in How to be a Productivity Ninja is "Human, not superhero". The idea is that Productivity Ninjas seem like they have some kind of special power, but they're always still just human beings with good tools, good habits and good thinking. Embracing the idea that we do our best work in spite of ourselves, not because of ourselves, is important and liberating. It allows us to remove perfection from the equation, and hence celebrate the 99% that goes well rather than dwelling on the 1% that goes wrong.

I think that there's real humanness to our imperfections. The bumpy and imperfect parts of us are what give life its' flavour and challenge. Nuance and curiosity are, in my opinion, vital components of our progress as a species. But for a while, I've felt that these qualities and idea of giving someone the benefit of the doubt have been lacking in our culture, particularly online. Dialogue, kindness and ideas are often abandoned in favour of identity and the quest to prove we're "right".

So the conversation around Lizzo's new song 'Grrrls' this week has been pretty heart-warming. If you're just catching up, basically Lizzo released a new song, that contained some lyrics that included the word "spaz". Lizzo listened, and within days, the song has been re-recorded and the original version replaced with a new one on streaming platforms.
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Of course, there were a few calls for Lizzo to be "cancelled", but most of the messages from her fans just politely asked her to listen to their point of view. People with disabilities shared eloquently their sadness and hurt at being called "spaz" or similar words. It sparked a much-needed conversation.

And in this conversation, none of us are perfect. I shudder when I think about how many times I used words like that in my childhood. I'm happy I grew out of it, but nevertheless, we all make choices every day, through our words and actions, to create either a kind or an unkind environment for those around us. I also remember more recently stopping working with someone who said he "didn't believe in the concept of offence"; that his freedom to say the word "retard" was more important than someone else's feelings; and that if someone was offended they needed to "be more resilient". As I reflected on this, I realised that by cutting him out of my life in disgust, I also failed to call it out. I effectively "cancelled" him, denying both of us the opportunity for dialogue and growth.

Words matter. And language evolves, too. There are those that complain that it's hard to get it right. And they have a point. As things change, it IS hard to keep up, and all of us are, if we're honest, sometimes scared of what we say or how we say something in a meeting, worried that we might get it wrong. We all crave simplicity and predictability in the emotional responses of others, and yet funny how our own emotions don't work like that. Stuff is messy, and sometimes it's hard too.

But back to nuance and curiosity. Whilst yes, it might be scary, I also think it's beautiful to think that words we are all using right now will in fifty years seem abhorrent. And it's remarkable to think that things we do now in our work or in our consumer behaviour, will turn out to be things that our children's children will be aghast about. Ultimately, it's all just change. We don't get to opt-in or out. But we can choose whether to be open or fearful in how we respond to it.

Lizzo could have doubled down and said her intent wasn't to offend, but she was brave enough and humble enough to offer her mea culpa, realising that her impact hadn't matched her intent. It takes a certain strength to say "I got that wrong", or "I hear you and I will do better". Bravo Lizzo. And likewise, people could have "cancelled" her, but almost everyone has chosen to give her the benefit of the doubt and allow her - and us all? - to live in a world where perfection isn't the bar. So Bravo to those that chose forgiveness and the benefit of the doubt, too.​
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Nuance.

Curiosity.

Kindness.

Empathy.

These are the things that allow us to embrace our humanness, for all its' imperfections, and come out singing together rather than fighting each other.