A Penny for your thoughts…
I've been inspired this month by the community I've been building with my friend Christina Kisley around kindness. Last Thursday was the final week of four Zoom calls. To be honest, before I put it out there, I was a bit scared about it: I wondered if anyone would show up... If I'd have anything to say... If it was all a bit too vague... About 25 people showed up, each of them brilliant and wise, and I've thoroughly enjoyed it. We called it 'The Kindness Happening' as a way of saying "we're not really sure what this is going to be, but let's get together and talk about kindness". We didn't want to pitch it as a programme or a bunch of workshops or a focus group... turns out it's been all of these things and more.
It's been a good reminder that when you have a hunch and believe in something, but also choose to proactively ignore all the doubts you have around it and just be bold, then sometimes it turns out even better than your original vision, as opposed to realising all your worst fears.
Last week's challenge was called "the four quarters challenge". if you'd like to play along yourself this week, I'll tell you how it works in a moment.
Clear, kind feedback is essential to building trust, empathy, good relationships, great collaborations, productivity... everything. Brene Brown puts it best: "clear is kind, unclear is unkind". And feedback is easier when it's expected. When it's part of the culture. Because when it's just taken for granted, it's not awkward anymore - and you get good, kind feedback when something is meeting 50 or 60% of the expectation, not just the scary and rough feedback when something's down at 20%, or the glory and warm feels when you've nailed it.
How to give good feedback? Practice, practice, practice practice. So... four quarters.
We're using quarters because my friend Chris Kisley is American and it feels somehow 'cool' to use them as a Brit, instead of our pennies. But hey, any type of coin will do. Start the day with all four quarters on the left hand side of the desk, or carry them all in your left pocket. Every time you give a piece of feedback, move one of the coins to the right hand side of the desk, or your right pocket. The feedback you give can be postive, negative or mixed, but the only other rule is that you show up for that person in a way that is kind, and where their best interests are at the heart of your intention. A penny for your thought. Repeat every day, at least four times.
Try it this week.
Say the stuff that's tough to say. You'll be glad you did.
And say the good stuff that you think but don't usually say. You'll all be glad you did.
I'd love to hear how you get on. Have a great week.
Graham
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