Full Out with Monica Aldama

My guest today is Monica Aldama. Monica is the star of the hit Netflix show cheer, which I'm sure you've heard people you know, raving about. She's the multi championship winning cheerleading coach for Navarro College in Corsicana, Texas. And she's now put some of her brilliant leadership mantras from the series into a really wise and interesting leadership book. So in this episode, I talked to Monica about what it's been like to suddenly find herself as the centre of attention. We talked about her book fall out, as well as family, humility, and more. And there's loads in here that I think will help you to instil a winning mentality in whatever it is that you're doing. It's coach Monica, this is Monica. With Monica Aldama, how are you doing?

Monica Aldama 1:35

I'm doing great. How are you?

Graham Allcott 1:37

I'm really good. It's so good to have you on the show. And you're in your your famous office in the background. So people have been watching this on YouTube, and I've seen the Netflix show cheer, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. So let's start at the beginning. So my show is called Beyond busy. And it's all about thinking about business, productivity, how people define success. There's so much in your show chair and also in the book as well that I want to talk about that really fits into those topics. But I guess, let's start with the title. So the show is called Beyond busy. Your last two or three years have been beyond busy, right? So just describe what does busyness mean to you over the last two, three years? Let's start there.

Monica Aldama 2:20

Well, I think anybody that's a coach is already busy, busy period, because we don't normally have a typical eight to five job, it is pretty much 24/7 Because you never know when someone's going to need you. Your schedules usually revolve around games and practices and not your traditional daytime job. So just the fact that I have so many responsibilities coaching have already led a really busy life I have to keep a very structured calendar so that I know what days I have available to do what and then you add filming a show on top of that, which you know, when they first approached me they were like oh, we'll just be like a fly on the wall you'll never know. Like, okay, great, that's That sounds perfect, but that they actually film 12 hours a day that they're scheduled 12 hours a day and they they want to stay busy filming something so if they don't have anything to film they're following me around they're in my office and my house What are you doing Can we go with you to get your hair done whatever you know so so on top of coaching the past few years I've had to also then allow cameras to follow me everywhere which also at times then take my normal schedule and makes it even longer just because things that I need to get done I then do later so yeah busy it's just you know and then I'm done. I'm a wife and a mother so it's tough trying to fit it all in but but but we do

Graham Allcott 4:06

it's busy, busy busy. So let's just back up for people who haven't seen the show which I loved and there's a bit at the start of the book where you talk about you'd watched last chance u which I watched a few years ago and absolutely loved as well. And basically then you get like an email saying hey you know last chance to you the people who made that they want to make a show about your chilli chilling team like in your hometown. What was that like when you that moment when you got that email and like how did you respond to that?

Monica Aldama 4:37

Well, you know, it was very, it was very strange the way it happened because I had literally just seen last chance you a couple of weeks before and I was intrigued because it was a it was about junior college football. Number one I won't have worked at a junior college for forever. And I love football so obviously I love junior college football too. I'm very invested in that. So, you know, my, my, my future son in law was watching it at my house and I walked in and I got pulled in. And I was like, What is this about? I started watching I know these teams, you know, I know about junior college football and but it was also very funny because there was a lot of cursing in it. So the first thing I thought was, oh, there's absolutely no way our school would ever let us do something like this. And, and then a couple of weeks later, I got this email. And it was just so surreal, you know, I couldn't even fathom the thought that I hear. I am just literally talking about the people that produce this show at this show. And now here, I'm getting contacted about interest in doing cheerleading. And I thought it would go nowhere. I did go and talk to my athletic director for a quick minute just to let him know, but then he was he was like, oh, yeah, you'd need to call them back and sounds like okay, well, hey, I don't maybe this is gonna go somewhere. I don't know.

Graham Allcott 5:59

And did you get a sense? I mean, especially the first series of last chance you the coach in that is such a central character, isn't he? Did you get a sense very early on that this was going to really be big for you personally, like you were going to be one of the main sort of features of the show and the star of the show?

Monica Aldama 6:17

No, not at all. I didn't even think in that in those terms at all, I, you know, just first of all had to get over the fact that maybe we were we were actually considering this. And I am a very private person, I don't like to be in the spotlight. I don't like a lot of attention. And so after thinking that through for a moment, really what I was most excited about was the opportunity to just show people how athletic my team was, how the work ethic that they have, how driven they are the commitment that it takes to even compete at the level that we do, because a lot of people just really don't get it. They don't understand, you know, I can talk about, oh, we do this and that. But at the end of the day, the word cheerleading has a very big stereotype. So I didn't think that I thought I hoped that maybe cheerleaders would watch it. So there was no thought of like, last chance you it's gonna be big, it's gonna be I literally just thought of it as an opportunity to show people what we do. But really, I thought it would be in the cheer community. And that was it. And I never thought about myself. Yeah, I just I never never thought beyond a great opportunity to show off the skills that my team has, you know,

Graham Allcott 7:38

yeah. And I was definitely in that category that you described, the people who have never really, I mean, I'm in the UK right now, we just don't really have cheerleading here in the same way. Didn't really know much about it. And I mean, what hooked me first was just watching the trailer on Netflix and just kind of being like, Whoa, this is really different to what I thought, but it's, it's quite, some of it's quite, I mean, it's so physical, that some of it's quite brutal, isn't it in a way where, especially that there's one of those, I think it's the end of the first episode, where they're sort of falling on the mat. And there's all these really like high intensity tumbles, and physical moves going on. So like, have you kind of already noticed that there's been just a change in perception, like, because of the show, just around the USA? Like, has that kind of really changed for you since the show?

Monica Aldama 8:29

Definitely. Because I mean, people in the cheer community they know. But so many people reached out to me, after the show that are in the church community and said, Thank you for showing the world what we actually do, because no one ever understood, no, nobody ever understood what why I would sacrifice, you know, my personal time and, and stuff to, to put all my passion and efforts into the sport. And now they get it now they understand it's truly, you know, something athletic, and that these kids are incredibly talented. And, you know, I think the we don't fall all the time. And it is definitely safe, as long as you are educated. And you have, you know, coaches that are educated to know how to do progressions up to the more difficult things, I think for TV, it was, you know, they did show every single fall that we had, because that probably makes good TV, but it is physical and it is in it can be dangerous, but like I said, we're educated, we're experienced and we know how to do things. I mean, do things safely. Obviously, just like any other sport, you're going to have your typical injuries from overuse of, you know, some of these kids have been doing gymnastics since they were three years old. So they're ACLs are a little bit worn out or you know, that's just typical with any kind of sport that you have. Abdo.

Graham Allcott 10:00

Yeah, I suppose. Yeah, so what I might do is just I'll flip between some bits from the book, and then some bits from the show. So to start with the title of the book, so full out, there's a kind of double meaning there, do you want to just explain the double meaning of full out?

Monica Aldama 10:17

Yeah, so in full in cheerleading terms, when we talk, when we say, Let's go full out, we're talking about doing our competitive routine, with every single skill thrown and pull out to really hard, because it's exhausting to do, it may not seem like very much, Tom, for us, it's two minutes and 15 seconds. But yeah, it's like running as fast as you can for two minutes and 15 seconds is exhausting, and to do all the athletic things that they do in that short amount of time. And we do very fast paced routines. So there's not a moment to breathe or to, to rest, you know, you're constantly going, it's very difficult to do. And so, you know, the top, I thought it was such an appropriate title, because you definitely should want to live your life full out to and put that effort and that energy into all areas of your life. So that you're, you know, fulfilling everything at the maximum.

Graham Allcott 11:19

And you'll I mean, your sort of approach to life is full out too, right? So there's a few times in the book, and in the show where you talk about you get home really late, you're up really early, like, you know, your pace of life is really relentless, right?

Monica Aldama 11:33

Yes, I mean, once again, it's a choice to make those sacrifices because I do want to be the best at not only my job, but you know, whether that means I'm running from my job to go watch my child at, at a, you know, school programme, and then back to another practice or whatever, it's just, you know, I want to be involved in my family, I want to give 100% of my job. So, you know, you have to like the sacrifices.

Graham Allcott 12:08

And let's talk about family because that feels like it's a huge, just a theme of the book and a theme of the show. And the amount of times in the show where you talk about your kids. And there's, there's it feels like there's this dynamic where you are, you're such a mom, and actually sometimes a mum to kids that haven't really had, you know, strong parental figures in their lives. Like, what does family mean to you? What's your kind of philosophy around family?

Monica Aldama 12:37

Well, my my family is, is super close, we are pretty much each other's best friends, my kids are grown. Now my son is 25, my daughter is about to get married, she's in law school. So they're both adults, they're grown. But we enjoy each other's time so much when they're home. For the weekends, you know, if we're at home, playing, doing a game night, that's the most fulfilling thing, you know, just being able to spend time together, going out behind our house to go fishing, whatever it is, we really, really enjoy each other's time. And so my family is my bestest friends. And my second family, which is much your family is the same, I might spend more time with them, you know, at certain times of the year than I do with my own families because of the jobs and responsibilities that we have. And so we're super close. And like a mother figure to them, you know, but I'm also more than that, because as a coach, you have to wear a lot of different hats. So, you know, I'm their advisor, I'm their counsellor, I'm their disciplinarian. You know, the mother figure when they need it, you know, the coach, so whatever, and there's a lot of them. So I'm constantly seeing, you know, I'm constantly fulfilling that role for someone, someone needs to come in and talk and whatever. And it's a huge responsibility so that we are super close, we spend so much time together, we all are working hard towards the same goals. And, you know, it's just like with, with any family, you know, we're together so much that there's there's ups and downs, you're gonna be upset with someone one day and then have the best memory ever the next but at the end of the day, you're going to have each other's back. You know, we can all argue or bicker but as soon as someone outside of the family comes in and we're like no no, no get back. This is our little unit, you know?

Graham Allcott 14:44

Yeah. There was a bit that really surprised me in struck me at the start of the second series. So you've got this first series goes out it does really well. It kind of made celebrities and social media stars of so many of the cast So many of your students, and then so in the second series, it starts. And they've all got cameo accounts and Instagram followings and all this kind of stuff. And it felt like some of them, I don't know if this is just the editing, but if I like some of them, were very preoccupied with that as you would be. And very distracted by that. And I was thinking, surely your job is to keep them really focused on like the business of cheer. But actually what you did with a couple of people, you were like, I can't be your agent here, but you need to get an agent. And let's really explore this. And you were really supportive of them going on big TV shows and sort of becoming stars too. And it really kind of feels like a bit of a sort of penny drop moment. And I'd love to just, like, just kind of see what what you think of this. But it felt to me like the the actual business of competing and cheerleading, like you see that you want to win. But also you see that as the route to success of those kids lives. And then suddenly, you just had, like a shortcut or another route that people could take here where actually they can they can make money, they can be cut, they can have careers off the back of the show, as well as the discipline that they learned through cheerleading, like setting them up for life in more regular careers is that kind of how you were seeing at that time?

Monica Aldama 16:17

Well, I mean, here's the thing, I have always been so supportive of any opportunity that any of them have had, whether it was in the cheerleading industry or, or not. So for example, before pre pre show, you know, a lot of the there, I would have several students that did modelling for some of the cheer uniform companies. And so there's, you know, been times where they needed to leave for a week, you know, when we were say, early on in the season, it wasn't, you know, our competition season, it was early on, when school started, they would need to leave for our be gone for a week, because they were going to go overseas to do a photo shoot. And I've always been supportive of any opportunity, because you never know which one is going to give you a career. And at the very least, I would never want them to miss out on an experience, you know. So I've had some that have gone off to wherever, you know, to another country, though, and do these amazing trips where they've been able to do photo shoots. And so not only get paid to do something, but also have that experience of travelling internationally where some of them do not have the money to do that without this opportunity. So I've always been very supportive of anything, even outside of cheerleading that that as long as it didn't interfere with our competition schedule, or something like that. I've always been very flexible and worked around anything. So that didn't change. But when the show came out, obviously, this opened up an entirely new, huge level of opportunities. And once again, I'm there to be their biggest cheerleaders to and I want them, you know, if they're going to have an opportunity to be an actress, I'm going to support them 100% Or to go and be an influencer on social media, I'm gonna support them 100% Because, like I said, a lot of these kids, this might be their one shot to have this career that's going to financially support them for the rest of their life. You never know. And something like this. None of us. None of us knew the show was gonna be big. Like I said, we thought we hoped maybe cheerleaders would watch it. And that was it. So we were caught completely off guard. I think Netflix was caught off guard too. I don't think that they thought that. I don't think I think they thought this would be like a baby sister to Last Chance you when it actually overtook last chance you. You know so, so not none of us were prepared for this at all. And then it just kind of exploded. But I was certainly going to be their biggest supporters if they needed help. And I know nothing about any of that industry, but I was willing to reach out to read emails to do whatever. But at the end of the day, we were in Daytona season at that time. And and none of us lost focus. I know that was kind of the media kind of put a big, you know, a lot of the interview questions I was getting at the time was, Oh, y'all, you know, are y'all distracted? Y'all have all this attention. And because of that, I think we worked twice as hard. But we were not going to let anything we had the odds of the world on us. We were not going to disappoint anyone you know. So when we went into cheer practice, all of that was left outside. And we practice so hard. You that when the pandemic happened, that was like, right at the end of our spring break. We were so prepared, we probably could have, even though we still had a few weeks left to get ready, we probably could have competed, right then that's how well prepared we were and how not distracted we were, it seemed, I think the way it was edited, like, there were distractions. And obviously, let me tell you, I was working. I was barely getting any sleep, because I was trying to do the press that they were wanting me to do on top of Daytona season, on top of coming in, you know, after practices and strategizing routine. And but, you know, I'm, I'm a fighter, and I'm a worker. So, you know, it didn't matter if I was getting two hours of sleep I was I was not going to let anyone think that we were distracted, we were going to work twice as hard to be ready.

Graham Allcott 20:53

Yeah. And you mentioned Daytona there, we should probably just for those people who haven't seen the show, just explain what that is. And I got a bit of a question around that. So what makes it such good, it makes it such a good subject matter for a big documentary series is that the entire focus of your year comes down to this kind of, you know, two minute, was it two minutes and 15 seconds or something? Yeah. When you hit this one performance in Daytona, you know, next to the beach, in front of everybody. And that, who that's who decides who the champions are for that year. And one of the things that, I guess comes from that which anybody listen to this, you know, whether you're in business, you know, whatever you're working towards in your life, you're going to have those moments in your life, which are about pressure. And this feels like it's just the most super pressured environment. So I'd love you to just share any thoughts about how you keep people sane, and on the straight and narrow and focused in the midst of like, massive pressure. And then the other question I want to know about is when someone then is the reason why you don't win, like somebody's slight stumble is the, you know, is an accidental thing that happens, and is the reason that doesn't work. How do you deal with the fallout of that sort of pressure, where, you know, that person is really feeling guilty and feeling like they've let everybody down? And that seems like such a tough situation as well. So, yeah, talk to us about Daytona and pressure. And both sides of that.

Monica Aldama 22:24

Yeah, I mean, that's a lot. That's a lot. Let me get, let me, let me get through that. Um, so as far as the pressure, I mean, it, it's, it's terrifying to compete in Daytona, and I think anyone that's ever experienced it, it's, it's on a whole nother level. Because, number one, it is your one shot, you don't, you don't have any other opportunities you get, you work an entire year for this one moment. So that in itself is a tonne of pressure, you don't get a redo, you don't get well there's another competition, you know, in a couple of weeks, no, you get one shot. Number two, it's outside on a stage and all the different elements of sun and wind. And it's just, it's a lot of pressure, it's you know, so what we do, here, this has been my strategy forever. And I think it's one of the reasons that we are so successful, is we really tried to imitate everything that's going to happen in Daytona here at home, so that some of those unknown things, they don't feel so unknown when we get there. So the way we warm up is very, we, you know, imitate the exact structure of our warmup, we imitate the walk from the warm up room, to where we're actually going to compete. And we walked to what we call our clock, tower, and back. And that's just, you know, putting ourselves through that moment of having to get somewhere else. And then, you know, in the in season two, you see where I've been talking about for years wanting to get this stage. And we actually did that last year, it was kind of that final piece of if we could just put them in this situation where they can feel it, before they actually get there, it's going to take off a little bit of that pressure, you know, and so, we've done a really good job of preparing ourselves not only physically but mentally, for when we get there, and when we get there, we're like, it's just another day at practice. It's not a big deal. It's just another day at practice. So I do think that that's one of the reasons that we have been so successful. Number two, when someone does make a mistake, that is a heavy weight to carry, to carry for the rest of your life, you're always going to be known as that one person that messed up, you know, and that happens sometimes. And, you know, I just we win as a team we lose as a team, and that's kind of what we always say, I know in the moment, the emotions can run high If people can, you know, say things that are coming from just an emotional part, but I think that we're pretty good at the end of the day, you know, like letting that go and knowing that, you know, some, you know, things just happen. And last year was a great example we had one minor, it wasn't a minor mistake,

Graham Allcott 25:23

that felt so unfair because it was just such as it felt like such a small thing.

Monica Aldama 25:27

A small thing, but we got penalised. Big time for this one small mistake. And, you know, the people involved in that one stunt, they felt a tremendous amount of guilt, you know, Jill, all she could do is keep apologising to me, as soon as we walked off, and I'm like, it's, it's okay. You know, I tried to be the mother figure in that moment and comfort her, like, I would want someone to comfort my own child. So, you know, this year, we, it's amazing, we all just love each other, and none of that has carried over, like, oh, this person made a mistake, we kind of laugh about it. Now. It's, you know, it happened, it's over, we're moving forward, we have new goals, and everybody's working their butts off to to reach this goal. So it's not always great when you're the person that makes a mistake. And, you know, it, I would assume would be a heavy weight to carry forever. But, but we've we've done a really good job, you know, like lifting each other up, and, you know, moving forward?

Graham Allcott 26:38

And are there any sort of favourite pep talks that you give? Obviously, when people arrive at daytona? Yes, you've done all the rehearsals, and you've got people to the place where they know what to expect, sort of like physically and mentally, but then I'm sure like, you know, anyone who's had to stand up in front of an audience or do something that is, you know, in a high profile situation, or with a lot of eyes on you, just that is it is different, isn't it? There, there is no substitute for just that experience. And you've been through it, you know, many times, and for many of these kids, it's their first time is there anything that you say to them, that really helps them to connect back into that sense of, it's the same as any other practice?

Monica Aldama 27:20

Well, you know, like I said, one of the things that we've really been leaning on lately the past couple years, is, it's just another day at practice, because we want to prepare them so well. You know, just to get them to relax. And the key is, is competence, you know, if you're confident in yourself, it kind of takes away a little bit of that nerves, when, when you don't feel competent about something, it's a whole added layer of nervousness that you're putting on there. So, which is why we practice so much, we want to build that confidence in them. So, you know, we definitely say another day at practice a lot to kind of lessen that pressure. And just to have fun, because we've trained so hard that our bodies know what to do. Now, we need to enjoy that, and have fun with it.

Graham Allcott 28:11

Yeah, love that. I'm gonna pick out a couple of bits from the book. So I mean, my my book, my main book is about productivity. And I'm a real planner. And I love your thing about the $5 planner, and this sort of motto and almost like metaphor that you give to your students around the $5. Planner. So tell us the importance of the $5 planner.

Monica Aldama 28:36

Well, like I was saying earlier, my life is so busy that it has to have some structure, and I'm very old school I like I know that technology has surpassed the Old School Planner, but I still like to write it down. And I like to turn the page and I like to see it, I like to see the whole month you know. So I love a planner, even with the technology even with your, your Google calendar that I'm going to go look and see what I've got this week, you know, but um, but if you put your responsibilities down, you know, like I said, it gives you a screenshot of how to manage your time number one, and a lot of these kids not only go to school here and compete here, they do all star cheerleading, which is like club, you know, cheerleading, and it requires a lot of their time outside of it. So there's no way you can make your grades, be at everything on time. And if you don't have that screenshot, so you can see and this is something I really try to, you know, drill into them at the beginning, like you have to look at your week and see if you have a paper do well you've got all these responsibilities. When are you going to be able to write that paper and if you don't plan it, you don't write it down. And you think about it. before it's due, it's not going to happen. You know, you don't? And don't, you know, so we have to plan we have to like, write it down, see it, see your week, or your month? And know when you're going to be able to fulfil these other responsibilities with your schoolwork and your assignment? And how about maybe rest your body? Like, when are you going to do all these things, you know, so, so important to have some structure and be able to see it and write it down and plan it and get your time management together.

Graham Allcott 30:32

And I guess that must be difficult for people who've they've always lived at home. And suddenly, they're not only moving away from home, but they're doing, you know, they're on the cheer programme, they've also got to hit their grades as well. And like you said, they've got these other responsibilities outside of that. Do you do you get people who find that just really difficult to kind of take ownership for the responsibilities? And are there? Are there things that you can do that fit? What have you found that is really worked to really help people to take ownership of what they need to do?

Monica Aldama 31:07

You know, it? Yeah, I mean, first of all, we're talking about all kinds of personality, all kinds of backgrounds coming together. So it's a difficult job for me, and there's some that I never have to say a word to they are so on top of it, they have a 4.0 at the end of the semester, they are easy, they're my easy ones, you know, but we do great, great checks every few weeks. And so I can kind of see quickly, who are the ones I need to get a hold to, they're struggling, you know, and honestly, the best thing that I've I've been able to do to teach some of these that need more help is the comp the personal conversations that we have, and trying to speak to them in a way that's number one respectful, so that they don't feel like demeaning them or getting on to them, it's more of a conversation where we can talk it through, and I can kind of switch it up so they can see. Because a lot of them when they you know, the self accountability is what we're what we're talking about here, you know, are you taking responsibility for the fact that you just dropped the ball and didn't get the assignment done? Because a lot of times, they'll give you that excuse? Well, I, I've tried, I couldn't get it uploaded. You know, this is a perfect example of a student I just talked to a couple of weeks ago, they didn't have their I had gotten an email from their teacher, you know, we were doing great checks. I got an email from their teacher that said, you know, they need to work on this, this and this, but also, I gave them two extra days to get this assignment in. Because they were having trouble uploading there, and they still didn't get it in. So I'm like that, you know, I pull the student to the side. And I'm and I said you had two extra days beyond what the due date was? What What was the problem? Well, I couldn't get it up. I was having problems getting it to upload. And I was trying to get help from Bob. And I'd like two days to you know, like I said, at the very minimum, you should have printed that paper off, walked it over to your teacher's office and given it to her so that number one, she knew you did it. Number two, that's when you ask for help. I want you to know, I did it. I did the assignment. This is it. I am having trouble getting uploaded, can you help me send me in the right direction. But I want you to know that number one, I care number two, I did it. You know, it's all about, you know, your approach. Because when you tell me you were having problems getting it uploaded, if I'm the teacher, I'm gonna think Well, they didn't do it there. You know what I mean? And so and that's it, and what did you do in those 48 hours? Like, what kind of help were you trying to get, but you still couldn't, you know, but she was trying to give me some excuses why? And I'm like, no, no, like, 48 hours you had extra, you know, and so finally, she's like, you're Yes, you're right, you know, but and I have another Oh goodness, another student that I've been working on for two years now that the the the epitome of giving an excuse, and he has done so well. I'm so proud of him. He's He's does a little bit of work to do. But he has taken some ownership of whenever he's late or just you know, some things and and it's honestly all about the conversations and it's not a it's not it's not me getting on to them. It's just a conversation of us talking and may try to flip the situation so they can see it and then and they really don't have a choice but to go you're right you know and be able to say you're right i i just didn't do it or whatever. Just just being able to say it sometimes because saying that you screwed up, that's actually a great thing. That's you take an ownership, you know, and I think I'm gonna respect and I tell them this to you. I'm gonna respect you so much more. If you have just apologise and own it. then trying to give me an excuse. And if we can all just kind of start shifting in that direction of, let's take the ownership and let's just try to make it right, you know, and learn from it and do better next time.

Graham Allcott 35:11

Yeah, I used to work for boss who used to have a phrase, which was, I have no problem if you screw up, as long as you own up and clear up.

Monica Aldama 35:20

I love that.

Graham Allcott 35:22

so important about taking that ownership. What struck me though, as you're telling that story is like you, like, like, you're, you're playing this role where you're really giving people life lessons, aren't you and some of the stuff that I'm sure you've got alumni who, you know, sort of 1015 years down the track coming back and saying, Hey, remember that thing you taught me, like, I'm using that now in, you know, some completely tangential different place. And what's also, and that's really clear, when you watch the show, and people people talk about you so fondly on the show, but the the route to get there is like, it's like through the dirt, isn't it like, you've really got to put the hours into, you know, in probably, like, tell people things that are going to, they're going to go in one ear and out the other so many times before they get to the place where they're at those lessons are actually going to land and you start to see that change. So what motivates you on the days where you don't have people saying, Hey, Monica, you've changed my life, but you just feels like you're kind of talking, talking to a brick wall or something? Like, what keeps you motivated in those kind of moments?

Monica Aldama 36:32

Well, you know, I, I've said many times here lately that and I think I even said it in the show, you know, like, I've been here a long time, this is now my 28th year. So I've proved things that I want, I set out to prove as a young person coming in that I was a good coach, that I know what I'm doing that I can win a National Championship or two, you know, and so, I feel like, I'm still here, because I do have a purpose that beyond winning national championships. And so investing in these athletes, to try to help, you know, mould them into adults that are going to be successful in life, I do feel like that's my purpose. And so it's not always fun. And I it's not that I'm motive, you know that I'm on the hard days, I'm not motivated, it's just that I know that there will be an end result that's worth it, kind of like working for those national championships, you know, it's not always fun, you're tired. I mean, we practice twice a day on Tuesdays and Thursday. So last night, I got home at 1030, you know, for the day, back at it this morning. So it is hard. It's not always fun. But I know that there's a there's a goal that we're trying to meet. And so investing in these, you know, young athletes, there is a goal, I might not see it for five or 10 years, and like you said, it's that phone call. And I do get those and, you know, sometimes they just want to call and tell me about a promotion they got because they know that I'm going to be so proud of them for putting in that work to get noticed to get that promotion, because you know, that's what I'm trying, you know, trying to kind of get into them as a young person, like, the payoff will come, but you need to be on time and, you know, be respectful and do these all these things to you know, show that you are worth that promotion, or, you know, whatever. So, it's not an immediate gratification by any means. So I just, I know that there's a goal at the end, and it's not something that I'm not even ever see. But that, you know, because sometimes they'll they'll call me and say, one time you told me bla bla bla bla bla and I don't even remember that conversation because I have so many of them, but that stuck with them for you know, 10 years later, they call me to talk about this one thing that I said to them and and that's, that's my purpose. That's what makes it worth it. You know? Yeah, I

Graham Allcott 39:06

love that. There's a couple of chapters of the book, which really resonated with me, which I'd love to just talk a bit more about. So there's a chapter in the book, there's called leadership starts with you. So what do you mean by leadership starts with you?

Monica Aldama 39:22

Well, I think that if you want to lead anybody and this isn't just a coach leading a team, this is a parent leading their family, you know, manager leaving their team at work or whatever, but to me, the biggest thing is you you have to lead by example, because respect is not demanded. You know, me yelling at you is not going to earn your respect. I mean, but if you respect me because I am leading by example. Then I've earned that right And I'm going to be able to guide you, because you're going to want to make me proud, you know, you're gonna want to call me in 10 years, because you know, I'm going to be so proud of you. And I've really prided myself over the years of living my personal life, the way I would expect them that, you know, I have a lot of expectations of the, of these young young kids and, and I try really hard to live my personal life, you know, what I would want them to do. And because of that, I can come in and be myself, you know, freely be myself and just earn their respect, because they see that I am showing up early, I'm working really hard, I'm, you know, making my family a priority, making good decisions in my personal life, I'm, you know, not out acting crazy, I'm not, you know, doing anything like that. And I think, you know, whether you're trying to lead your family, you know, your kids are looking at you as the parent, like, you can't expect your kids to act one way, when you're out acting the complete opposite, you're not going to earn that respect, you're not going to be able to lead them, it can cause a lot of problems. And so, you know, that's another thing I've really tried to be the person that I want my kids to be, you know, so when I'm trying to teach them these life lessons and stuff, they can look at their mother and their father and go, you know, that these, you know, not that any of us are perfect by any means, but you know, that, that I have, you know, made I am a you know, good person and work really hard and, you know, things that I want to instil in them, I'm making sure to do myself. And I think that that's the most important thing about being a leader is you have to look at yourself, be able to take, be accountable and own up to the mistakes because even as the leader, if I own a mistake to my team, you know, that that earns a lot of respect. And acting like I'm, you know, the perfect person because none of us are, you know,

Graham Allcott 42:09

essentially, I think, the idea of saying, I screwed up, I made a mistake, or I got that wrong. Like, it's, you know, a lot in a lot of settings that I see, it's, it's almost like seen as a taboo. But I think it shows honesty, it shows self reflection, like, there's so many good conclusions that can come to that person when you when you hear that stuff, right?

Monica Aldama 42:32

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Graham Allcott 42:35

And I the best chapter name ever, I'd love you to tell the story. So support your community. And if you can't find another community, and that story about your church community, and the attitudes around you, like you have a number of students on your team who are gay, and that came into conflict, which is such a powerful story. And it really showed a real, you know, thoughtfulness and humanity in the way that you told that story. Do you want to just just tell us that story?

Monica Aldama 43:10

Yeah, so I mean, obviously, I am, big person on my faith. And we had been going to this church for quite some time for many years. And I love the pastor there. However, every once in a while, there were just sermons that just made me a little uncomfortable. And one in particular was about gay marriage. And it was so against what I think that it that moment, my husband and I were, we had a conversation and said, you know, we, we, we should probably start just looking at other churches, we, as much as we love this pastor in this church and our church family, like we have to be able to feel comfortable that we're aligned with the same thoughts and views. And, and not only that, a lot of these, you know, athletes, though, they're away from home. So sometimes they're like, you know, I would love to go to church. And if I can't invite them to my church, there's a problem, you know, and I was feeling very uneasy, like, well, what church should I tell them to go to? And it just felt very conflicting. And so we made the decision, we're going to start looking at other places, and we did and we, we made that move and, and I feel very comfortable where we're at, we do have, we have a great college, youth group, not youth, but college group, you know, and I feel very comfortable inviting anybody that wants to come to, you know, to come to the service to get to be involved in the college group if they want and I think that it is very important to have your values and your views aligned when you're Talking about your faith. It's that, you know, it's such a big part of my life. And I lean into my faith a lot when I'm going through difficult times. And I just needed that to all feel like it was aligned together. Because I mean, I've been coaching for 28 years, these kids, many of them gay are my family. And I would go to bat, I mean, I would go down for these kids, you know?

Graham Allcott 45:33

Yeah, and there's something really beautiful about that, in terms of, you know, wanting the, the wider community that you're part of, to reflect to you and wanting you to reflect that community. And also, then that that is, you know, it's like it's compatible with all the other parts of your life, right? So just feels like that's a really big and difficult decision to take. And it sounds from the way you tape the book as well about how bad the conversations you're having with the pastor about it and stuff, like you're having it really openly and respectfully and compassionately and then just felt like you're really

Monica Aldama 46:11

well, we definitely yeah, he called me because, you know, and I don't do this anymore, but I did something on Facebook, cuz I was so angry, and I was so passionate about it. And, and so he called me and, you know, I, one thing I am is always very direct and honest, but very respectful of you know, and I mean, it was, I cried. He cried. I mean, it was a powerful conversation, but I was not going to back down on my views, or, you know, I mean, at the end of the conversation, we just agree to disagree. I mean, I'm not going, you know, though, that's how it was, and we moved on went to a different church.

Graham Allcott 46:58

That's also maybe something that we've lost sight of in recent years is the ability to agree to disagree. Like, we don't all have to agree with all the same things all the time, right? Absolutely. I've got a couple of minutes before I must let you go and get to your meeting, because you are very much in demand and beyond busy. So like you say, at the start of the book that you you, by taking part in the in this show, and having your life filmed in everyone else's lives filled. What was really interesting was, you understood more deeply the backgrounds of the kids that you're coaching. So that really surprised because I like I thought there's they're sharing so much, when they're like, in practice with you that I thought, um, you must probably know all that. But it seems like there was a lot that you didn't know about some of the difficult backgrounds that some of your students had. So I just wondered, like, if there were any other reflections, or just how that changed you as a coach, or just anything else that having now been working in a way that is being filmed? And you're part of this show? Like, how has it changed Actually, your style of leadership, your style of being a coach,

Monica Aldama 48:10

you know, like I said, in the book, I know the stories, but just seeing those interviews and some of the details that are spoken about it, it just, it hits it even harder, you know, and I think if anything, I think one thing this job has taught me over the years is to become more empathetic. And I think the show just even push that even further, you know, I mean, you know, there's different seasons of your life that you're learning and, and growing from there, I started this job when I was 22 years old, I knew nothing, I had a lot to learn. And that's what I've been doing learning and growing for now. No young year 28. And so as much as I've taught these kids, they've taught me just as much, you know, and I think that, you know, once I became a mother myself, you know, that changed my thinking, I'm looking at, you know, from a parent's point of view now. And then, you know, when this show comes out, and you see it just takes that empathy and grows it deeper. And, you know, I think I've always been, you know, every season of my life has been a learning, you know, I talk about my divorce in the book. And that was such a growing moment for me of like, really, I think that's when I really changed my point of view. I have taken that accountability, not that I didn't before but everything I do now, the first thing I think about is like what what did I bring to the table and I try to look at everything from that point of view. Did I say that wrong? Should I have done this better? You know, and I take a lot of ownership and my own actions and and everything so I think you know, if anything the show just you know deepen that empathy that I already had. And I, you know it that drives the way I speak to people, though the conversations that I have, you know, taken a moment to think what could have led to this, this person acting this way and just trying to go deeper, you know, into those relationships.

Graham Allcott 50:18

And then I guess the final question, so the show has changed your life in in many ways. You've written this incredible book, which I hope everyone will go and go and get and read. And you know, whether you're someone who's watched the show or not like there's, there's just so much, you know, wisdom and insight in that book and that chapter actually about your divorce and then getting remarried to Chris as well, like just absolutely incredible stories. But I guess my final question is, is there anything that you say you've been on Dancing with the Stars, you've been on The Ellen Show, or this kind of stuff? Is there anything that you have particularly, that has been like a particular kind of live highlight as a result of taking part in the show?

Monica Aldama 51:01

I mean, obviously, I've had so many opportunities that I would have not, you know, gotten previously, but I mean, I can name many, I mean, obviously, Dancing with the Stars, I have been a fan of that show, since the very first season that it came out. So that was kind of a dream come true. to experience that and now, you know, part of that Dancing with the Stars, family, we just went actually, I just took my team Sunday, to their lab tour that came through Dallas and my kids were blown away. Their mouths are open. They they said I mean, it was we had so much fun. It was a great little bonding experience. There was you know, the whole team was there. So that that was incredible. I tell you, meeting Oprah Winfrey, someone that I had grew up watching, she was electrifying it, that was like a moment I will never forget. Of course, Elon, you know, that was great, too. I mean, just, you know, I can't even believe that I have to pinch myself sometimes that I've been able to have these experiences.

Graham Allcott 52:06

Monica is it's been amazing having you on the show, and I've got to let you go. Because you're going to be late for your meeting. If you go yes. So just thank you so much for being on the show. We will share everything on the show notes as well so that people can connect with you and find out more. But thank you so much for being on beyond busy.

Monica Aldama 52:23

Thank you for having me, I appreciate it.

Graham Allcott 52:27

So there you go, Monica Aldama. And the one I'm really taking away from her is keep going until you get it right and then keep going until you can't get it wrong. Just such a such a wonderful phrase. And, you know, so much of life would be better if we all just practice, practice, practice and really, you know, dug into preparation and just focused on doing things in the best possible way. So yeah, I really love talking to Monica just got a shout out Matt Crossy over a little brown for helping to set that one up. I know it wasn't easy as well, given Monica's incredible diary at the moment, just to have an hour with her just felt like such a gift. And yeah, I really enjoyed it. And there was so much I didn't get to talk to you about the psychology of being a good teammate. And the whole idea of those people who are on mat who essentially kind of like the first team. And then if you're not on mat, you're in reserve, but you've got to be there motivating everyone else. And also, you might just get switched in any moment, if there's an injury or something else goes on, you just have to learn the parts and know it really, really quickly. So you know, it's one of those things where there's just, there's obviously going to be tension between the people who are who are picked and the people who are not picked. And so I suppose if you're a documentary maker, it's like, you just know there's going to be sparks and gold dust off the back of that. And also I didn't get to touch about there's just I'm not going to spoil it. If you've not seen it, go watch it. But the end of series two, there's a scene where she has this conversation with one of the sort of former cheerleaders and it's honestly one of the most emotionally connected emotionally intelligent scenes I've ever seen on TV and the fact that it was real, it was actually happening and also was happening with a camera in her face. It was just incredible. And I really wanted to talk about that. I also I wanted to ask her about it, but I couldn't really figure out how to ask her about it so it's probably good that I didn't it might have been a bit clunky if I did that anyway, if you haven't seen the end of that series to have chair then go binge watch the whole thing. And yeah, it's really worth your time really, really good show and last chance here which we talked about at the beginning is also in college football. But that's kind of how I first got into learning about chair actually was was sort of seeing that it was the same people that did last chance to you was my immediate hookin because Last Chance you I just really loved, particularly the first series of last chance you it's incredible. Go watch Netflix. Those are the only things I ever watch on Netflix. By the way, I kind of have a thing where I watch about two series a year. And I tend to watch stuff about a year behind everybody else. So I just watched don't fuck with cats the other day, which everyone was talking about, like a year ago. I actually hated it. I thought it was awful.

Yeah, I don't get the appeal. And I watch Tiger King. Everyone wants Tiger King at the start of lockdown. I watched it once every once it at all opened up again. I was like, oh, yeah, I'm talking about it. Everyone's like, yeah, no, we saw that it just get. So yeah, I'm not I don't have my finger on the pulse with a lot of that stuff. It's fair to say. And there's many times where I've thought about should I just cancel my Netflix because I just don't think I get much out of it to be honest. But that's how they get you that you're sort of hooked in and you're, you know you're subscribed. And then there you are. Anyway, so this episode as ever was brought to you by think productive, go to think productive.com and find out more of what we do. We do a whole range of workshops around productivity, getting your inbox to zero, fixing your meetings, all that stuff. And then we also do loads of other stuff, you know, project management leadership, there's a whole range of stuff, which perhaps you don't even think that we do. But we do. So if you've got stuff that's going on in your team that you want help with. If you have training and learning and development needs within your organisation, then chances are think productive can help and think productive finds this podcast. So if you if you get enjoyment from these podcasts, and you can hook us up with people in your company, that that'd be really great. So just go to think productive.com and find out more. I have a weekly email, it's called Rev up for the week, if you want to sign up, just go to Graham allcott.com, forward slash links that taken best keep in touch with everything that I'm doing and just finishing up this book. So that's where I'm also going to be sharing some of the sort of exclusive bits from the book and you're starting to share some of the ideas from the book around kindness in leadership. Over the next few months, you've probably noticed the the theme of kindness kind of popping up a bit in this podcast a little bit over the last few months, which I guess is is partly deliberate. And then partly, it's just because it's just on my mind. So it just comes out. It's just what we're thinking about all the time. So yeah, you've probably noticed that bit, we'll be doing a bit more around kindness and leadership on this podcast over the next few months, as well as really thinking about how we can sort of shift gears around the the episodes that I do with authors and books, and maybe making that into more of a kind of book club kind of model as well with some subscriptions and the chance for you guys to actually be on the calls as I'm doing some of these interviews and ask questions yourselves of the guests as well, which I think it'd be really exciting. So kind of exploring all that at the moment. And yeah, I'd love to hear your thoughts. If you've got thoughts about how that would best work for you what you'd love about that. Just drop me an email. It's Graham at think productive.co.uk We're back in two weeks time we've got one of the leading lights at Nike coming up in a couple of weeks time. So really looking forward to that one. So we'll see you in two weeks, stay subscribed and until then, take care bye for now.